My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
