If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
