Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
