Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
