I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
