Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
