3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
