is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
