Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
