its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
