You surviving the open bar?
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I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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