He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
