Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
