it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
