Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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