A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
