ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
