did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
