His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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