so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
