I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
