I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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