Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
