The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
