that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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