Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize