belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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