No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
