but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
