i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize