I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
