He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
