Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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