Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
