the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
