That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
