Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
