Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
