So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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