I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
