Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
