im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
