then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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