Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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