His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
