pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
