Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
