I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
