I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I want to be your penis for a week.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
