He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
