I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
