wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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