I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
