i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
