When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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