I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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