I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Couch. On fire.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
