even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
