my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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