Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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