I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
