All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
