I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
