omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
