I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
