I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
